Coming Out of the Wardrobe
by SiriuslyAbsorbed
Summary: AU/Human. Sirius Black is England's most eligible bachelor. Only one problem. He is not a bachelor any longer. Be privy to his most private and intimate life details while the rest of the UK scramble to find out who the lucky 'woman' is he has found. Slash. -SB/RL
1. Chapter 1

**Coming Out of The Wardrobe**

* * *

**Author's Note: I couldn't help myself. :-P Don't know how often I'll update this story or how many chapters there will ultimately be. We will see. Oh and song playing is Pitbull's 'You Know You Want Me.' **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Siriusly. Or any of Pitbull's songs. It's true. **

* * *

**~Chapter 1~**

* * *

Lita Skeeter here. This young, intuitive reporter has heard numerous rumors regarding London's most eligible bachelor, Sirius Black. As of recent, the Black heir has been spotted at numerous functions and parties without the usual eye-candy. Instead, he has only been seen with one of his close friends from Hogwarts, the UK's most illustrious boarding school. Obviously, the young, debonaire playboy has found himself in a serious relationship and is trying to keep it under tight wraps. Join me as I go undercover to find out who the mystery woman is.

* * *

"Why did we come out again, tonight, Sirius? I'd like to stay home a few nights a week. I haven't been getting enough sleep." Remus Lupin yawned as he stood, vodka tonic in hand, in a large ballroom. He took a sip of his drink as he surveyed the scene. None of their friends had attended. It was an _alumni_ party, and they had only been out of school for two years now. So, while they were technically invited, they were only truly welcomed because of the large donation Sirius had sent in that day for the sole purpose of attending the party. Remus shook his head and took another sip of his drink.

"We've discussed this. Remember? It's because I'm trying to send a message to my parents." Sirius Black shot a meaningful look at his boyfriend of one month and close friend of nine years. He took off the silk tie that matched his dark purple button up shirt and shoved it into one of the pockets of his dark grey, almost black slacks. He smiled at the sandy-haired man and took a sip of his brandy and shivered. He hated brandy, why had he gotten it?

"What kind of message are we talking about?" Remus asked shortly, his eyes settling on Sirius and softening despite his irritation regarding the night's events. Remus had been hoping that morning to have a stay-in night and relax with his new boyfriend. He felt like things had been crazy since they started dating. They had been frequenting bars, parties or some event almost every night since they had become a couple.

"That their son is a poof. Bent. A ponce. An avid shirt-lifter, a-"

"-Some of those are offensive." Remus shot him a look of reproof, cutting him off abruptly, not wanting to listen to the rather creative list of terms for male homosexuality that he had no doubt researched with glee when he first realized how upset his parents were going to be. "And I thought you liked girls, too," he added.

Sirius had celebrated the formation of their relationship twice. Once for when they first crossed over the line of friendship after a rather awkward break-up between Sirius and his live-in girlfriend, and then a second time for when he had realized how his much-hated parents were going to have a conniption over his new lifestyle.

"Semantics." Sirius waved a hand in the air flippantly and tilted his glass up and took another drink. "This stuff is absolutely horrid."

"Then don't drink it," Remus said, glancing around the room for a familiar face in vain.

Sirius shrugged. "I'm with you now, Remus, and they need to respect that," he paused. "Hey, I've got an idea, let's dance."

Remus shook his head in a decidedly negative fashion. "I'm _not_ dancing."

"But I saw someone with a camera over there." Sirius tilted his head towards a dark corner in the crowded room, his voice wheedling as he widened his grey eyes and stared hopefully into Remus's.

The sandy-haired man laughed. "Then, I'm _definitely_ not."

Remus Lupin was not known for his dancing skills.

_**I know you want me**,_ the words played over the speakers as a new song started.

A leggy blonde in a tight silver dress walked over. The woman appeared to be in her mid twenties. "Hi, you're Sirius Black, right? I'm-"

"-Remus, do you hear that beat? I've never heard such a beautiful song before," Sirius interrupted the woman.

Remus thought at first it appeared as if Sirius honestly hadn't heard her, but then he noticed his boyfriend turn his head from her and move a step away and closer to Remus instead. He wasn't surprised.

In Sirius Black's social world there were two types of people. You either were a star player or nothing. He didn't entertain half-assed interactions. This woman clearly hadn't made the cut. Remus was glad for that as he noticed she was not so discreetly ogling his boyfriend.

"It's my favorite, too. Would you like to dance?" the persistent blonde interjected into their private conversation.

Remus glared at her.

Sirius's face lit up as the song began to change its rhythm when the chorus kicked in. "_Oh_, it just gets better and better. - Fine. - I'll just dance at you," he said surreptitiously, trading glasses without asking and downing Remus's drink in one gulp before handing him back the empty cup.

Sirius rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned his tailored shirt a few times, winked at his bemused boyfriend and began to dance around him to his surprise.

_**You know I want ya. I know you want me.**_

Sirius spread out his arms and made small thrusting motions with his hips to the beat in front of Remus, his expression was somehow one of both lust and idiocy. Remus let out a surprised laugh as the taller man crouched down somewhat and continued his highly suggestive dance, moving closer and closer.

"Come on. Remus, you know you want me," Sirius sang, only slightly butchering the song in a playful, teasing voice. The man then shouted out some words in Spanish and threw his hands up in the air, pushing his body almost completely up against his just-standing boyfriend, and continued to move his body expertly to the song.

"What are they saying?" Remus laughed, his body slightly loosening to the seemingly never ending song.

Sirius quirked a playful eyebrow. "Oh, I don't think it'd be appropriate to say in public. This song is _spicy_," Sirius finished in a yell, his voice exuberant as he made his way behind the other man.

Remus started to turn when he felt his boyfriend begin to bump up against his backside and hands slid up under his shirt and gripped his bare sides.

"Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!"

The tired man smiled and shook his head. _This is a pretty good song_. He began to dance with Sirius, enjoying himself just as much even if his moves were not quite as boisterous.

* * *

"What the _hell_!" Sirius yelled furiously. He stood in the kitchen of his and Remus's flat, wearing only a pair of midnight blue, silk pyjama pants as he leaned over his Macbook Pro. He closed the top, lifted it again to read more, and then let out a frustrated noise and closed it once more.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, blowing on his cup of tea as he leaned against a counter.

"That woman is a _menace_," Sirius said tersely as way of explanation. "We are going out again tonight, and there will be no question this time. _No question_!" he yelled, turning and walking out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Remus called after Sirius, leaning forward to catch a glimpse of him walking into his bedroom, which they had started sharing just a few days after they had started fooling around.

"I'm going back to sleep, Remus! I need more rest if we are going to be out again all night," he called from the room.

Remus groaned and walked over to the table. He lifted the top to Sirius's laptop and looked down at the opened page, searching for what had elicited the grey-eyed man's response. He didn't have to look far. There was a video on the Daily Prophet's webpage from the party he and Sirius had attended the night before. The title and mini-article read.

_Is The Black Heir Siriusly Settling Down?_

_Lita Skeeter here again on day two of my seven day piece. Yours truly was in attendance at the Hogwarts Alumni Gala and caught a glimpse of Sirius Black's new beau. He was very discreet the entire night, not even making eye-contact with the mystery woman. However, this reporter was not fooled. The beautiful 'Juliet' could not keep her distance or eyes off her handsome 'Romeo' the entire night. Looks like true love is in the air. Stick with me to get more details. _

Remus scowled at the article before clicking on the play button. He watched the striking blonde woman from the night before reach out a hand and touch Sirius's shoulder. Sirius shrugged off the hand and then appeared to shout something before he began to dance provocatively with a severe-looking Remus. _How does he look so good when he's being a total idiot? _Video Remus quirked a smile a few seconds into the clip and caused video Sirius to wiggle his eyebrows and dance closer, his body moving rhythmically to the silent music.

* * *

**So, let me know what you guys think...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Coming Out of The Wardrobe**

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey there! It's been a while, but it's because I was writing like a maniac on my other story, _Black_. Also, I HAD to write a smutty one-shot. It's true. And then, I... I... Okay, that's all I can come up with.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Warnings: Contains adorable grey eyes that can force you to do absolutely _anything_. Well, at least if you're Remus Lupin. :-P**

* * *

**~Chapter 2~**

* * *

"Sirius, I'm not sure if I'm up for this. I'm really tired," Remus said, stifling a yawn as he followed the very chipper dark-haired man through the parking garage under their condo building and to his car. He had gone to his Friday classes and then spent a couple hours studying while Sirius had slept. He glared at his boyfriend's back when the man started to whistle an upbeat tune, a bounce in his step.

"You just need some coffee and then you'll feel better," Sirius said over his shoulder as he pulled his car keys out of his pocket, unlocking his car as they approached.

"The coffee shops are all closed. It's almost ten." Remus climbed into the white two-door Jaguar F, reluctantly reaching the seatbelt across his waist and buckling.

"Remus - if you don't want to go you can just tell me," Sirius said, his hand resting on the gear shift as he looked over at the sandy blond.

"I don't want to go."

"Nonsense." Sirius shifted into reverse. "We're going to have a great time." He stepped on the gas, and the car roared out of the space, the tires squealing when Sirius slammed on the brakes and then immediately threw it into first gear, letting out a laugh as they sped through the garage.

* * *

"Remus! Remus, over here!" Lily Evans cried out, waving her hands at the sandy blond, who had just walked into The Three Broomsticks, a new club that had opened only a few weeks back. The red-headed woman stood by the bar with James Potter.

"Oh, no. What are _they_ doing here?" Sirius hissed as he walked beside Remus with his arm draped around the man's shoulders.

"What do you mean? They're our best friends-"

"-James!" Sirius called out, interrupting his boyfriend and letting go of him to pull his best friend into a hug. "You two need to leave," he whispered into his ear.

James pulled back and let out a hearty laugh. "You're growing more mental by the day, I swear." He looked over to Remus, grinning at his long-time friend. "I have no clue how you put up with him."

"It's because I'm so fit," Sirius said, answering for Remus before pulling Lily into a hug and kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Bye, Lily."

"Bye? You just got here. Where are you going?" Lily asked as she picked up the green martini she had just ordered.

Sirius took the drink from her hand and tried a sip of the apple-flavored drink, making a face as he swallowed. "This is terrible, and nowhere - _you_ are. I'm sure you and James have better things to do than get drunk and make spectacles of yourselves." He took another sip of the drink before setting it down and waving the bartender over.

"This is disgusting. I'd like a vodka tonic, top shelf please," he said, pushing Lily's drink to the worker to take away.

"What is wrong with him?" James whispered to Remus as he watched Lily's face grow increasingly furious when Sirius picked up her coat and purse and then handed it to her.

"His father's assistant called today to _inform_ him that he is having dinner with his parents next Sunday, and he was told to bring his new _girlfriend_ along," he said out of the corner of his mouth discreetly.

James grimaced and patted his friend sympathetically on the shoulder before moving over to separate his best friend and fiancé. Remus sat down at a nearby empty table and rested his arms on the tabletop, his head following suit.

"Just _what_ are you insinuating, Black?" Lily spat, her hands on her hips as she glared fiercely up at Sirius.

"I'm just saying, drinking really adds weight to _some_ people, and I wouldn't be a good best friend to James if-"

"-_Sirius_!" James shouted, cutting off the man from saying something that would undoubtedly force him to choose a new best man for his and Lily's wedding that was in only a week's time. "What's the rush, Mate?" he asked, clapping the taller man on the shoulder. He motioned to the bartender to order Lily another martini.

Sirius let out a sigh and then glanced around the busy night club. "I'm just trying to-Oh, _oh_." He chuckled suddenly. "Very sneaky, very sneaky _indeed_, but not sneaky enough!" He let out a triumphant laugh as he glared darkly at something across the dimly lit club.

James and Lily glanced over in confusion at what had caused the outburst, finding nothing out of the ordinary. Lily shot James an arched look. He nodded begrudgingly and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder once more.

"Listen, Sirius. Maybe you've been out too much recently. Yeah? I mean, poor Remus looks exhausted over there. Why don't-"

"-I can't talk right now, James." Sirius left his ordered drink on the bar and walked away abruptly, grabbing Remus's arm as he passed the just-dozing man.

"Sirius, where you going?" James called after his friend as he watched Remus stumble sideways in his efforts to keep from falling over as Sirius dragged him along.

"To go make out with Remus, of course!" he shouted over his shoulder as he pulled the half-awake man through the crowded club and towards the lit stage at the front of the dance floor.

James sat down beside Lily, who was glaring at him. He smiled in an apologetic manner. "He was rather pleasant tonight, wasn't he?"

Lily opened her mouth to give her opinion when the words suddenly died on her tongue, her gaze trained on the scene unfolding on the stage.

James looked up curiously, his eyes widened in surprise and his mouth dropped open.

* * *

"Thought she could get another clip of me with some bird, did she? Well, I'll give her _something_ to report," Sirius growled as he approached the large stage that was empty while the night's performing band took a break.

"Sirius! Sirius, _stop_!" Remus shouted as he finally began to gather his wits. He had been having a wonderful dream about sitting with Sirius on their couch and drinking a cup of tea when he had been jerked upright by his clearly crazed boyfriend and pulled through the crowded dance floor.

"No, _this_ will work, Remus. Just wait and see. I'm going to snog you in front of the whole club," Sirius said excitedly as he neared the stairway. He stopped on the first step when he suddenly lost Remus's arm. He turned around to see the man standing a few feet back with his arms crossed and a defiant look plastered on his face.

"I'm _not_ going up there," he said in a determined voice.

Sirius moved off the step and towards his boyfriend. "_Please_, for me?" Sirius looked at him with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "I just want to kiss you. We do that _all_ the time."

Remus looked away from the adorably pleading grey eyes that tended to muddle his thoughts. He ran an agitated hand through his hair as he remembered how upset the man had been earlier, despite feigning complete indifference. Sirius had tried to call his parents after talking to his father's assistant. Neither of them had taken his call.

He let out a sigh and looked up at the dark-haired man. "How _long_ of a kiss are we talking about?"

He grinned widely. "As long as you want, Remus. Come on!"

Sirius pulled a reluctant Remus up the stairs and to the center of the stage. He tugged him up against his chest and then leaned over and ran his tongue up the side of his neck for all to see before capturing his mouth in a heated kiss amidst the sounds of music, wolf whistles and drunken cheers.

* * *

Remus staggered barefoot through his kitchen, just barely missing a pulled-out chair as he walked over to the medicine cabinet. He fumbled through the bottles, knocking out a few in the process and making far too much noise. The sandy haired man was suffering from a bad hangover. He leaned over and grabbed the bottle of pain medication off the floor and then dropped into a chair, fiddling with the tricky lid as his head throbbed and the contents in his stomach swam threateningly.

He hadn't been planning on drinking so much, but Lily had started buying them shots, saying something about showing Sirius just who had a better body and that she could drink every night if she chose to. They had ended up drinking more than he could remember while James and Sirius laughed raucously together at a nearby table, reminiscing about pranks they had pulled when they were in school together.

Remus placed two pills in his mouth and picked up a glass of water that was sitting on the table and took a drink.

"Ughh." The man choked as he tried to keep down the vodka he had just unknowingly downed. He pushed the cup away in disgust and started to stand up when a picture caught his eye. On his boyfriend's open computer sat the web page to the Daily Prophet from the day before. He reached out a hesitant hand and hit the refresh button and waited for it to load. _I'm sure everything will be worked out now_.

He and Sirius had ended up going at it rather aggressively much to his friends' amusement and Remus's embarrassment after the fact. He had adamantly blamed it on lack of sleep since he hadn't drank anything at that point yet. He tilted the screen and began to read, his chin dropping in utter disbelief at the article on the front page that morning.

"What are you looking at?"

"Ah!" Remus started, closing the laptop a little too forcefully. "Nothing." He pushed and held down the power button discreetly.

Sirius quirked an amused eyebrow as he walked into the kitchen, sitting down across from the man. He took in a deep breath and looked up into hazel eyes. "Listen Remus, I just want to say that I'm sorry."

Remus frowned in confusion. "Sorry?"

"Yeah, I know I've been dragging you out a lot lately against your will, and I'm sorry for that. I want to make it up to you. We can do whatever you want this week," he said, placing his hand over Remus's and rubbing the pad of his thumb across the man's knuckles.

"But what about your plan?" Remus blurted. He mentally cursed himself.

"Oh," the dark-haired man paused, smiling to himself as he remembered Remus from the night before shoving him up against a piano and running his hands up under his shirt. "No worries. I'm _pretty_ sure that was taken care of."

"Uh, Sirius, I," Remus stopped abruptly.

"Yeah?" he asked, picking up the cup of vodka, sniffing at it experimentally and then setting it back down, his face a little more pale.

"I just." Remus glanced down at the laptop. _Should I tell him? He'll just get upset all over again__. He seems so much happier now._

"Just what?" Sirius asked curiously.

Remus looked up and forced a smile, pushing away the guilt that was making his words stick in his throat. "I just - would really like to stay in tonight. Maybe watch a movie or something. Just us. What do you say?"

Sirius grinned. "Sure, just us. Sounds _nice_. In fact... Why don't we make it a stay-in day and go back to bed?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he began to run his foot up Remus's leg under the table.

Remus started to agree before the article's words flashed through his mind once more. "Oh, uh actually - I _really_ need to meet Lily for an early lunch and then, _then_ we will start our time," he said in a rushed voice, pushing himself up out of the seat quickly before Sirius managed to sway him. He _needed_ to talk to his friend.

Sirius groaned in disappointment, leaning back in his chair as he watched the tone, bare-chested man walk out of the room. "All right! But hurry back!" he called as Remus disappeared into his old room where he still kept his clothes.

Remus grabbed the first shirt and pair of slacks he spotted. _He was right. That reporter __is a menace_, he thought as he pulled on his top and began to button it, hoping that Lily hadn't read the newspaper yet.

* * *

**I am a writing robot, and reviews are my batteries.**

**Siriusly. It's totally true. **


End file.
